For this post, I'm writing in response to recent reports, especially through CNN and Anderson Cooper, about the "bullying" phenomenon going on the public school system. For the record, I must point out that I am heterosexual and a Christian and I didn't receive this treatment due to sexual preference, race, or religion. I've always found this subject uncomfortable for me to talk about and I thought airing the subject would be too crass, but I now think it is time for me to tell the story. What I experienced, I believe, is a form of conceited discrimination that I dealt with for nearly 8 years of my life.
Before the "bullying" started I was 8 years old. I was interested in meteorology even during those days (I first got interested when I was 5 after watching the PBS special Cylcone) and even took a tour of my local NBC station's weather center with my father. What I remember from those days was a mostly positive life with the creative experiences that come with childhood. This creative impulses that I felt so often during those days are those that ultimately lead to me writing poetry, and stories when I came to college. School was school during those days (even with it many administrative quirks) and I learned what I needed and left, and I even had a few friends during those times.
However this all changed in the fourth grade and what followed was what I call a deep and persistent spiral into isolation and ridicule. It started out as your usual immaturities but then I began to feel more and more distanced from my peers, even the ones that I knew before this began to happen. Many seemed to take an extreme displeasure to my presence. By sixth grade even though I changed schools, this sense from the people around me grew by such a large extent (one student even suggested that I drop dead) malicious rumors began to fly around (I believe of something an explicit nature) and soon I became a social outcast, something to be parodied like the subject of a South Park episode. The teachers and administration either didn't care and in some instances exacerbated the problem. Ultimately I left this public school because of death threats against other students.
When I moved to my new school the direct threat of violence ended, however the new people I began to know at my new school started to follow in the same good ol' American tradition of alienate the weird kid that's so different. This ultimately mushroomed in my sophomore year of high school where I literally almost went an entire school year isolated and without any friends to speak of. I was a cast away in my own thirsty mind among the rebellious and the condemning. All sorts of new expressions such as punk music, myspace, MTV, and other things spoke about freedom and having a sense self worth, but the same culture denied me the glittering friendship that it promised. I pretty much had no friendship at all and was something of an emotional punching bag when someone had a bad day. These desolate times that I call "high orbit" even affect my fashion sense today and is why I utterly refuse to buy Hollister, American Eagle, and other products that I associate with the treatment I endured.
In the end I graduated third in my class and retained high academic honors that have lead me to the college years that I am almost done with. With these memories still deep in my psyche I still question of what I am really worth. Am I a true member of this "free" American society? What is so wrong about me that someone would literally take the time to effectively devalue my own existence and make me feel at time like I am a life form lower than rotting pond scum? Even in college I still sense some of this bitterness and though I don't do all the things everyone else does, is my personality that much of a pestilence and a bother?
Now you know a little bit more on how I think and how some of my opinions and style choices were made. Not by a simplistic flow of trivial trends and memes, but by enduring a state of malicious condemnation and pure hatred that I lived with for a very long time. Anderson Cooper and the activist groups have only just unearthed the skylight of an entire underground cavern that has been interwoven among American society. So if you decide to dodge hanging out or preach to me about accepting other lifestyles due to college "liberal" ideals think twice, because I have already lived and learned the sensibilities and lessons that you are only now considering because it is politically advantageous and finally "cool" to understand.
In closing I consider what happened to me not "bullying" in the regular sense. Rather, I use the word ostracism to describe the interaction I had most often with my peers during those days. I remember one the first of my childhood's creative moments (a dream) that I have always considered close to my religion. Even with all that has happened and may happen again, I still keep this image in my mind and in my soul.
I behold the perfect afternoon, pure and unending, drenched in the patchwork of love and words. I feel no evil and I relinquish my connection to avarice. Each day is a story, a second is a metaphor, everything around me is a blessed actor. Even if I find emptiness, I'll travel back to this world, and find all the connections to my inner purity once more.
Have a fulfilling day,
Justin Reid
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
The Beauty and the Dark Side of my Linux Experience
Since I've been in middle school I have had to learn about computers and the applications that they've run. No fanboy-like rant intended, I've never actually taken pleasure out of that singular experience until I used the Linux operating system. For what I do, Linux does things faster, more intuitively, and for free. The Ubuntu Linux distribution is one of my main weapons against the hard times of the recession in my country. However even with my current knowledge of programming and my interest in Linux, I sometimes feel a sort of resistance coming from one of the system's hallmarks, the Linux community.
Many articles have been written about the Linux snob syndrome. Although I believe that the Open Source development process is one of the best paradigms for creating and maintaining software, I feel sort of alienated when I try to interact with some of its members. Sometimes when I ask a question I get the go to response of "please ask me something more specific". You're a computer programmer, if you understand recursive algorithms you can answer a general question about a bug or how an application works, I'm not asking about a kernel spec. This sort of sensibility also carried over to another ambition of mine, being a Linux developer.
Earlier this year I wanted to play an active part in being a developer for my current distribution Ubuntu. Although I knew I needed to learn C++, I thought I knew enough programming to begin learning more about Linux and actually getting real world coding experience by becoming a developer like someone who maintains and creates Linux applications (such as GIMP or Emacs), however when I looked at all the information it was truly an overwhelming experience and when I went into what is called and internet relay chat (irc) room I was only advised to go back to the links I had already visited, and that I needed a to have an exact definition of what I wanted to do. I can understand where the people in that irc came from, however I do not work for Canonical (the corporate sponsor of Ubuntu) and trying to synthesize all the different ends and outs (MOTUs, Upstream vs. downstream, Launchpad, etc.) without some form of more concrete guidance seems counter intuitive to the Linux and open source mission. The path to becoming a developer seemed for me to be fuzzy and non-direct, and I didn't think I would get any more help from the community sources.
Ultimately I realized that development for me would be impractical because I only have one machine and I would have to buy another for the sole purpose of stability. In addition I also bought Mark Sobell's A Practical Guide to Linux which has helped me extensively understand Linux's elegance in its many flavors sans the aloofness. I do feel that most of the Linux community is not this way, especially when reading articles from sources such as OMG! Ubuntu and Nixie Pixel, however this gravitas does exist in places. I really do see a bright future for Linux and will be my primary operating system moving forward. But in some ways I wonder if I'll still be looking at the Tux from the outside in.
Have a peaceful day,
Justin Reid
Many articles have been written about the Linux snob syndrome. Although I believe that the Open Source development process is one of the best paradigms for creating and maintaining software, I feel sort of alienated when I try to interact with some of its members. Sometimes when I ask a question I get the go to response of "please ask me something more specific". You're a computer programmer, if you understand recursive algorithms you can answer a general question about a bug or how an application works, I'm not asking about a kernel spec. This sort of sensibility also carried over to another ambition of mine, being a Linux developer.
Earlier this year I wanted to play an active part in being a developer for my current distribution Ubuntu. Although I knew I needed to learn C++, I thought I knew enough programming to begin learning more about Linux and actually getting real world coding experience by becoming a developer like someone who maintains and creates Linux applications (such as GIMP or Emacs), however when I looked at all the information it was truly an overwhelming experience and when I went into what is called and internet relay chat (irc) room I was only advised to go back to the links I had already visited, and that I needed a to have an exact definition of what I wanted to do. I can understand where the people in that irc came from, however I do not work for Canonical (the corporate sponsor of Ubuntu) and trying to synthesize all the different ends and outs (MOTUs, Upstream vs. downstream, Launchpad, etc.) without some form of more concrete guidance seems counter intuitive to the Linux and open source mission. The path to becoming a developer seemed for me to be fuzzy and non-direct, and I didn't think I would get any more help from the community sources.
Ultimately I realized that development for me would be impractical because I only have one machine and I would have to buy another for the sole purpose of stability. In addition I also bought Mark Sobell's A Practical Guide to Linux which has helped me extensively understand Linux's elegance in its many flavors sans the aloofness. I do feel that most of the Linux community is not this way, especially when reading articles from sources such as OMG! Ubuntu and Nixie Pixel, however this gravitas does exist in places. I really do see a bright future for Linux and will be my primary operating system moving forward. But in some ways I wonder if I'll still be looking at the Tux from the outside in.
Have a peaceful day,
Justin Reid
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Why I will Never Regard Myself as an Atheist
These days many proponents of reason regard the existence of deity as a human invention and something like a flight-fight response to deal with the perpetual condition of pain and suffering that we have been dealt as a race of sentient beings. However as "logical" as this argument may seem, I truthfully in my heart cannot fall into this category. I have several reasons for thinking this way.
This first is that pure reason, while one of mankind's most powerful inventions, has it's limitations. This is the difference between pure theoretical "know how" and inspiration. There are endless varieties of connections and insights that can be made about the universe, however these facts alone cannot explain the ideas of love, despair, resolution, or conviction. These concepts transcend logical means and can cause us to act irrationally, to sometimes greater ends. Why do we have this choice between the logical and the illogical? Why do we even know of something as "artistic expression"? Some say it's a simple combination of neurotransmitters and exposure to social forces, but in my view there has to be some other agent.
Secondly, if I resigned myself to the reigns of rationality alone I wouldn't be where I am today. I would simply have no drive because I am not a member of a powerful family, I've been considered a social pariah in the past (and sometimes the present), and lack that certain charisma which causes people to melt through their tiny comfort zone and actually try to be friends with you. If I would to take these things on a pure logical basis, I would simply consider myself worthless to human society. However through my religion I reconciled the expressive things that I have known since my young childhood and learned how to strengthen my will against these repulsive forces. Atheism may view these motivations as some sort simple defense mechanism, but it is my main source of inspiration and living as a creative being.
Atheists are entitled to what they believe as it is their human right to follow their own belief (or rejection of belief) system. However it is my opinion that no matter what religion you follow, it fills a certain hole that the wonders of reason fail to consider. This is why I still hold my religion close to my heart because the realms of science have yet to touch these abstract notions.
Have a good day,
Justin Reid
This first is that pure reason, while one of mankind's most powerful inventions, has it's limitations. This is the difference between pure theoretical "know how" and inspiration. There are endless varieties of connections and insights that can be made about the universe, however these facts alone cannot explain the ideas of love, despair, resolution, or conviction. These concepts transcend logical means and can cause us to act irrationally, to sometimes greater ends. Why do we have this choice between the logical and the illogical? Why do we even know of something as "artistic expression"? Some say it's a simple combination of neurotransmitters and exposure to social forces, but in my view there has to be some other agent.
Secondly, if I resigned myself to the reigns of rationality alone I wouldn't be where I am today. I would simply have no drive because I am not a member of a powerful family, I've been considered a social pariah in the past (and sometimes the present), and lack that certain charisma which causes people to melt through their tiny comfort zone and actually try to be friends with you. If I would to take these things on a pure logical basis, I would simply consider myself worthless to human society. However through my religion I reconciled the expressive things that I have known since my young childhood and learned how to strengthen my will against these repulsive forces. Atheism may view these motivations as some sort simple defense mechanism, but it is my main source of inspiration and living as a creative being.
Atheists are entitled to what they believe as it is their human right to follow their own belief (or rejection of belief) system. However it is my opinion that no matter what religion you follow, it fills a certain hole that the wonders of reason fail to consider. This is why I still hold my religion close to my heart because the realms of science have yet to touch these abstract notions.
Have a good day,
Justin Reid
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
An Outsider's View on Japanese Culture
Japan has gotten a lot of headlines recently because of the tsunami and earthquake. However that country and it's culture have had a pretty long influence beforehand on what I do, how I live, and many of my artistic ventures.
Firstly, even though I've yet to visit the country, discovering Japanese culture has been one of the most positive points throughout my life. A lot of the people I have known that have been associated with that culture have been 'otaku' (obsessive anime fans for the uninitiated) but the common denominator for all of them is that they have been some of the few people that have accepted me over the years when others only point out my flaws and shortcomings. For this reason I have associated Japanese culture with true love and kindness, and is probably the main motivation why I want to visit and maybe live there one day.
Since I have come to this perception, I have written many poems and one poetry series called Japan which I finished earlier this year. I hope to write 2 more on the subject and make something of a trilogy. I've heard that there are many places in Japan, especially after the tsunami, that carry heavy emotions of loss and despair. However for a place where many people transcend materialism and focus on goals more virtuous, there should be a sense of resolve and caring that has allowed their culture to survive over thousands of years despite war and tyranny.
No place on Earth is perfect and Japan is no exception to this rule, however I believe the country contains something beautiful in my eyes that I have rarely come across since I was younger. That something is the equal chance of finding those who will care about you, no matter your perceived social ineptness or inequality. That's why I will try to learn the Japanese language and visit the place that has been a distant source of happiness and inspiration throughout these times of turmoil and social upheavals.
Ganbare Nippon,
Justin Reid
Firstly, even though I've yet to visit the country, discovering Japanese culture has been one of the most positive points throughout my life. A lot of the people I have known that have been associated with that culture have been 'otaku' (obsessive anime fans for the uninitiated) but the common denominator for all of them is that they have been some of the few people that have accepted me over the years when others only point out my flaws and shortcomings. For this reason I have associated Japanese culture with true love and kindness, and is probably the main motivation why I want to visit and maybe live there one day.
Since I have come to this perception, I have written many poems and one poetry series called Japan which I finished earlier this year. I hope to write 2 more on the subject and make something of a trilogy. I've heard that there are many places in Japan, especially after the tsunami, that carry heavy emotions of loss and despair. However for a place where many people transcend materialism and focus on goals more virtuous, there should be a sense of resolve and caring that has allowed their culture to survive over thousands of years despite war and tyranny.
No place on Earth is perfect and Japan is no exception to this rule, however I believe the country contains something beautiful in my eyes that I have rarely come across since I was younger. That something is the equal chance of finding those who will care about you, no matter your perceived social ineptness or inequality. That's why I will try to learn the Japanese language and visit the place that has been a distant source of happiness and inspiration throughout these times of turmoil and social upheavals.
Ganbare Nippon,
Justin Reid
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Sorry for the Hiatus
Dear all,
Sorry that I haven't been writing here. Last semester, in the words of Reed Timmer, was pure insanity. But I got through it and still look to be a meteorologist by the end of this year when I graduate.
Right now I now have a GIS intern position at the National Environmental Modeling and Analysis Center (NEMAC) working on the Climate Literacy, Education, and Research (CLEaR) project with NCDC. With the economy the way it is, I count myself lucky to be working right now, especially since it is in the field of atmospheric sciences.
I will hopefully add a CV to this site soon, especially if graduate school opportunities pan out. I also hope to post some of my GIS analyses and links to my latest undergraduate research once it gets close to completion. In addition I will also be posting some poetry here and use this site to showcase my work.
By the end of this year when I graduate I plan on becoming a professional meteorologist and will be going straight into my career or going to graduate school. This will be a major step for me since I hope to move on from North Carolina and leave behind some bad memories I have from here. But I believe that my future and others' are bright and will lead to some of the fulfilment that we all want deep in ourselves.
Have a wonderful day,
Justin Lynn Reid
Sorry that I haven't been writing here. Last semester, in the words of Reed Timmer, was pure insanity. But I got through it and still look to be a meteorologist by the end of this year when I graduate.
Right now I now have a GIS intern position at the National Environmental Modeling and Analysis Center (NEMAC) working on the Climate Literacy, Education, and Research (CLEaR) project with NCDC. With the economy the way it is, I count myself lucky to be working right now, especially since it is in the field of atmospheric sciences.
I will hopefully add a CV to this site soon, especially if graduate school opportunities pan out. I also hope to post some of my GIS analyses and links to my latest undergraduate research once it gets close to completion. In addition I will also be posting some poetry here and use this site to showcase my work.
By the end of this year when I graduate I plan on becoming a professional meteorologist and will be going straight into my career or going to graduate school. This will be a major step for me since I hope to move on from North Carolina and leave behind some bad memories I have from here. But I believe that my future and others' are bright and will lead to some of the fulfilment that we all want deep in ourselves.
Have a wonderful day,
Justin Lynn Reid
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